illustration of old maid
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The People vs Old Maid

Before the Honorable M.W. Golden

Transcript of Proceedings

Bench Trial Day 6

Proceedings reported and transcript prepared by:

Jana Broad, CCR, FCR

Federal Official Court Reporter

Benjamin Stekel U.S. Courthouse

1320 West Broadway, Suite 892 Seattle, Washington 98105 (206)-705-1925

Proceedings reported by stenographic machine shorthand; transcript prepared using court reporting software.



On Behalf of Plaintiff

Law Offices of Goldberg and Froyd

Ernst Peter Goldberg

782 South King Street

Seattle, Washington 98181


On Behalf of Defendant

Morgan, Bradley, and Lee, LLC

Gloria Lee, Esq.

564 Pine Street

Seattle, Washington 98126


Index of Examinations


Old Maid


Cross Examination (Resumed) by:
Mr. Goldberg ………. P3


Index of Exhibits


1884 ………. P3

1978 ………. P4

1761 ………. P8

224 ………. P10



(Proceedings commenced at 10:12 a.m. as follows:)

THE COURT: Good morning. Please be seated.

GOLDBERG: Good morning, Your Honor.

THE COURT: The cross examination of Ms. Maid is going to resume, right?

GOLDBERG: Yes, Your Honor. Thank you.




Q: Good morning, Ms. Maid.

A: Good morning. Hello.

Q: Ms. Maid, I want to give you a moment to take a look at Exhibit 1884, do you see that placed in front of you?

A: Yep.

Q: Go ahead and take a moment or two to read that exhibit, if you will.

A: Ok.

Q: Ms. Maid, can you please describe to the court what you have in front of you?

A: It’s a receipt.

Q: Do you recognize the store, the purchase and the amount of the purchase on that receipt?

A: Yes.

Q: Can you read to the court the purchased item and the date of the purchase, please?

A: One bottle of hair dye. April twelfth.

Q: That receipt was found on you the day of your arrest, is that correct?

A: I guess.

Q: You guess the receipt was found?

A: I guess the correct word is ‘correct’ for your question.

Q: Ms. Maid, the purchase for the bottle of hair dye that was found on you the day of your arrest states the store location was in Victoria, Texas. That is more than two thousand miles from your hometown. Is that correct? Excuse me, can you state yes or no that the hair dye was purchased in Victoria, Texas?

A: Yes, I can.

Q: Please state if the hair dye was purchased in Victoria, Texas.

A: Yes.

Q: I’d like to also show you a second exhibit. Do you see this?

A: Yes.

Q: This is exhibit 1978, and it is a business card for a LASIK eye surgery specialist, is that correct?

A: Yes.

Q: This business card was found in your wallet at the time of your arrest. The eye specialist is located in Milton, Massachusetts, and a date has been written on the back of the card. Can you please read that date?

A: May first.

Q: Can you tell the court the significance of that date, Ms. Maid?

A: The date of a surgery.

Q: Whose surgery?

A: Mine.

Q: Thank you. So, is it safe to say, Ms. Maid, that you were preparing, or taking steps toward significantly altering your appearance in order to successfully run away from your pack of cards?

LEE: Objection. Leading.

THE COURT: It’s overruled. Answer may stand.


Q: Is that safe to say?

A: I don’t know if it’s safe to say, but yeah, ok, yes I was. All that stuff you said.

Q: Thank you. Ms. Maid, we have established both that you were attempting to run away, in fact those are the charges for which you are here in a court of law, and also, that in your escape, you attempted to alter or disguise your appearance.

A: I don’t like the word ‘escape’.

GOLDBERG: Ok. I move to strike the last statement and response from the defendant from the record.

LEE: No objections, Your Honor.

THE COURT: Sustained. Continue, please, Mr. Goldberg.


Q: Ok. Ms. Maid, let’s return to the night of April fifth. On this date, you were inadvertently left out of the pack of cards when Lucas Cohen completed and cleaned up his game at approximately 7:34pm. Is that correct?

A: Yeah. His sister cried because she got me. Lucas won.

Q: Ok. I see. You made no attempts to return to the pack, is that correct?

MISS LEE: Objection. That’s unfair and prejudicial.

THE COURT: It’s overruled. Answer may stand.


Q: Again, did you attempt to return to the pack on the night of April fifth, Ms. Maid?

A: Nope.

Q: Your honor, I’d like to enter into evidence three items that will establish a pattern of Ms. Maid’s attempts to evade the return to the card pack. Ms. Maid, can you identify the following three items?

A: Ok. This is a text message to Dee Lema. This next thing is a note to Victor Rhee. I don’t know what this last – oh, yeah. That’s an email I wrote. To both Will Ingness and also then I forwarded it to Katie Gorical.

Q: What, in general, is the intent of each of those pieces of correspondence, Ms. Maid?

A: Basically, I’m trying to see if any of the women matches would be willing to switch with me. Except Victor and Will. I asked them directly. Victor and I had a thing once, that’s why that note’s so dirty.

Q: I see. So, Ms. Maid, do you have a history with any of the other cards in the pack?

A: Yeah. I’ve been close to pretty much every guy in there.

Q: Can you give examples of what you mean by close?

A: I mean, they always talk to me, and a bunch of them have said our conversations are different from how they talk to their partners.

Q: Do you know why your conversations are different?

A: I mean, not to be cocky, but I learned at some point about myself that I guess I excite them. Maybe it’s my independence and uniqueness.

Q: Are there specific ways that you know the cards have this connection to you?

A: Even after they get paired off, they still come to me for fulfillment.

Q: Ok. I see. To clarify, though, none of them have proposed or accepted your proposal of a permanent pairing, correct?

A: Don’t remind me.

Q: I’m sorry, what was that?

A: Yes, sir. The answer is yes, just like you said so everyone can hear. None of them want me. Bingo.

Q: Yet, you continued to pursue them, correct?

LEE: Objection. Irrelevant.

THE COURT: Overruled. Mr. Goldberg is establishing a pattern of attempted flee rooted in the defendant’s chronic and unresolved love addiction issues. Please proceed, Mr. Goldberg.


Q: Thank you. Ms. Maid, I’d like you to turn to a witness statement made by Matt Amorphosis.

A: Ok.

Q: Could you read aloud the statement, please, Ms. Maid?

A: “I had a connection with Old that I’d never had before with any card. She and I seemed to have a spiritual bond that transcended everything I’d ever known about women or myself. We had fun, and I had tried to lay out the expectations of what we were. She wasn’t that happy about it, but did seem to grasp the fact that she and I would never be together the way she really wanted. I have no idea if I really wanted that, either. I just couldn’t. I told her that a lot of times, over and over, tried to convince her or make her understand that even though we had this love for each other, we couldn’t have the relationship she wanted. I was pretty honest, I felt, but the message never got through.”

Q: Do you need a tissue, Ms. Maid? Here you go. Take a minute. Let me know when you’re ready.

A: I’m ready.

Q: Can you tell the court what happened a week after Mr. Amorphosis gave you that letter?

A: I attempted to deface my card.

Q: Your own card, is that correct?

A: Yes, my own card, me, myself.

Q: Ok. I’d like you to take a look at another evidence exhibit, number 1761, which is a document displaying a series of Google searches and links clicked between the date of Mr. Amorphosis’ letter and April fifth. Can you see the list?

A: Yes.

Q: Could you please read aloud the listing of your Google search terms and link clicks from that time period?

A: ’46 Signs He’s Into You.’ ‘People Pleasing: The Toll Rooted in Parental Egotism.’ ‘Kindred Spirit Soul Mates, Have You Found Yours?’ ‘How to Become a Trophy Wife.’ One hundred and thirty-nine views of Val Nerbility’s Instagram account. ‘Famous Single Women Who Were Still Successful on Their Own.’ ‘Carly Simon’s ‘You’re So Vain’: The Ultimate Troll Song for the Evolved Feminist.’ ‘Why Doesn’t Anyone Love Me?’ ‘When Should I Give Up on Love?’ ’Rom Coms Ruined My Life.’ ‘Emotional Intelligence: Neglect from the Past.’ ‘How to Stop Hurting.’ ‘Healing Your Inner Child.’ ‘Wounds of the Silent Good Girl.’

Q: Ms. Maid, was there any reason other than your own self-reflection for which you searched or clicked on the listed articles or links you just read?

A: No.

Q: Ok. Did any of the internet searches inspire you to leave the pack and attempt box evasion?

A: No.

Q: So, none of the articles or items you read related to the listing of searches gave you the idea to flee?

A: No, not at all. I had the idea already. Not the idea to leave, but the idea of why I have a lot of unresolved issues. I was online to find out more.

Q: Did you find out more?

A: Yes.

Q: It’s ok, Ms. Maid, take as long as you need.

A: I’m sorry.

Q: Take your time.

A: I don’t even know how or when it happened. I had been thinking about this stuff a lot, but in vague terms, never really committing. I always justified my actions, and then I was sometimes encouraged by the guys who pursued me. I really thought a lot of it was real – or, I knew it was real love, and I don’t care what any of them say, it was for us. I just kept thinking how amazing it was to have the attention of men who were already paired off, that I must have been special. I mean every guy in this pack said I was better than any other woman, but they couldn’t be paired with someone like me. They have an idea of their ideal match, they want someone who needs them. I’ve heard that so many times. Someone else will come along even when one of them leaves, and then he’ll leave, and it’s a cycle. I figured this is just how life is for us. But it was Lexy Conn that, I guess, saw what I was doing, or sensed it, I don’t know. But she told me it didn’t have to be this way, I don’t need to wait around for guys who didn’t want me.

Q: And that you took as a suggestion or support to leave?

A: Exactly.

Q: Is it possible that Ms. Conn was not actually suggesting you leave, but, instead, that you should accept your fate?

A: No, no way. She’s my friend. We’re tight. She wants what’s best for me, so no, no way.

Q: Ms Maid, I’d like to point to another evidence document, number 224. Could you read that for the court?

A: ‘Shuffle and deal out the deck. Everybody look for pairs. Hold your cards in your hands. Don’t let anyone see them. Players take turns taking a card from the player on their left. Play until all pairs are matched and one player is left with the Old Maid. If you are holding the Old Maid, you lose the game.’

Q: So, you see, Ms. Maid, Ms. Conn would not have wanted you out of the pack –

LEE: Objection, Your Honor. Speculation.

THE COURT: Sustained.

Q: Ms. Maid, do you realize?

A: Realize what?

Q: Without you, there is no game? No further questions.