Thank you for cooperating to make this flight safer, the lady guard says as I undress before her penlight and electronic wand. I’m rather pitiful in my middle age. My mossy body hair grows inappropriately but leaves patches clear for takeoffs. After scanning and searching, I’m declared safe and allowed to fly, but the guard forgot to check my big belly. Where, in the folds of fat, I hid small rolls of pornographic microfilm which I will soon publish illegally in many forbidden places.